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Learning How To Meditate Through Attentiveness
If you're just starting to learn meditation, either with a guided meditation group or by yourself, you sit for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit each day at the same time, morning or evening, whichever suits you perfect. You allow the daily five to ten minutes to increase to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks pass, but you never try and force the pace.
Meditation isn't about clenching the teeth in determination. It's about sitting quietly with yourself, and though it requires its own kind of self control this has nothing to do with stiffness than with yielding and letting go.
When the inevitable thoughts or feelings arise, you allow them to pass through and out of awareness like clouds pass in water. You don't attempt to push them off, but leave them to move of their own accord. Regardless of how 'important' the thoughts seem to be or how pressing or worrying the emotions, you don't hold on to them or enable one thought or emotion to trigger another and another until you are off on a daydreaming trail that takes you further and further from the simple issue of the in-breath and the out-breath.
If, however, you do lose control, gently but confidently return to your breathing the moment you realize this has occurred. Avoid being impatient with yourself or convincing yourself you'll never understand how to meditate. Your wandering mind is simply showing to you just how much you should apply your meditation techniques. It is helping you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, gratitude towards that part of your mind that has become aware you are wool-gathering and that has prompted you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot overstress how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you trouble yourself each time you become aware you are distracted in thought, you will not only be provoking the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be conditioning your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and naturally it doesn't like being punished. So it will remind you less and less often, and you will find focus becomes harder and harder. In response to the frustration that this brings, your mind will then start whispering convincingly to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well encouraged to find something better to do with your time.
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